After coping with a serious health event of another family member in June of 2018, we received a call on Aug. 29th, 2018, that my father's health was failing and that we needed to get there quickly. I was fortunate enough to visit with him and be by his side his last two days. That time will never seem like enough. The following week was just making it through each day the best we could, helping my mom with arrangements and wondering how we could possibly imagine life without Daddy.
I was struggling to handle my own grief. Crying myself to sleep and waking up crying.
After only taking a week off, I jumped right back into school. I was lucky that my professors were understanding and my wonderful classmates shared lecture notes so I wouldn't fall behind. September was a blur.
Looking back, I'm not sure that diving right back into school was the best choice but I don't handle grief well and usually stay as busy as possible to keep my mind off things. There were times that I needed to shut down and just cry but couldn't because of school project deadlines and obligations with my own family. There never seemed to be enough time. Not enough time to process my Dads death, not enough time to spend with my son and husband and not enough time to take care of things at home. Lots of dropped balls and frustration.
This post was hard to write as my Dad would read every new post the minute it came out and it just seemed pointless to update the blog when he wouldn't be reading it. He loved seeing pictures of Little Man and the crazy interactions with wildlife that we have from time to time and he would call my mom in to "update her on the goings on" as she doesn't use a computer.
Almost a year later, I can get through a few days before my thoughts wander back to my Dad. A picture, his jacket in my closet, a keepsake given to my son can still bring a tear to my eye but I know he's watching over us and knows how much we love him and miss him.
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