Friendships

Making friends in your 40's is a lot trickier than I remember.  "Back in the day", aka my 20's and 30's, my friends and I always met up for weekend breakfast, hitting happy hour, crashing at each others house, etc.  We were pretty much on each others speed dial!

Now that my 48th Birthday is looming, and my bestie Karen and her family are moving back to California, I find myself in a friendship funk.  Not my first go around with this.  2 years ago my best friend Susan and her family moved out of state.  Hubs jokes, "Why do you keep running them off?!"  Not so funny to me.

I asked my mom once, "Did you have a lot of friends when we were little?" She said she had friends in PTA, the bowling league and the cycling club, but that her time with her kids/family was her priority. 

I get it.  Life gets crazy busy when you have a family!  

When Little Man was born, I had my "New Mommy" friends.  

Then we moved.  Pre-K and Kinder, I found myself in a community where all of the moms worked...which made it hard to get together with the kids or schedule play-dates.  So I went back to school!

Then we moved.  Kinder to Present Day, we live in a community where there are stay at home moms but WOW are they busy!  PTA, charity groups, clubs, boot camp exercise group, etc.  
Not to mention, the "Girl Moms" don't really hang with the "Boy Moms" unless there is a sibling of the opposite sex involved or they have been "besties" forever.  Or the moms who have so many kids that they don't want to schedule play-dates...unless you're taking their kid to your house...every time. :D

I'm also one of the "Older Moms" and I can also be socially awkward / shy ...so there's that. 

I joined PTA, signed up to be Room Parent, tried to schedule play-dates, etc.  But so many kids have their "Go To" friend that they have known since Pre-School so its hard to get scheduled into the rotation.  You REALLY have to be almost aggressive with it!

I was successful in making friends with a couple of Boy Moms.  One of which works full-time (she's wicked smart and funny), the other part-time (the Wild Card mom...never know what she might say, so funny).  We get together for "Girls Night" and also get together with kids in tow.  

Then Karen and her family moved in across the street.  We won the Lottery!  Her 2 girls (2nd Grade and Kinder) are like sisters to LM and Karen is probably the best friend I've had in years.  So nice that we can run across the street to each others home and hang out.  "Having a rough day?  Run over here for a class of wine!  Need a break?  Send the kids over!"  Sucks that they're moving.

So I find myself wondering, "Why does it have to be so hard?!"  Or maybe I'm being boo-hooey because I'm going to be another year OLDER (I have issues...don't get me started), its the anniversary of my cat Katie passing (again...don't get me started) and I know LM will miss having his "sisters" across the street.

Here is a snippet of an article I found while "Googling".  I like the "quality over quantity" paragraph.  

Meeting and Keeping Friends in Your 40s

Courtesy of www.scarymommy.com

Remember the days when your friends were the center of your universe?

Well, thanks to the chaos of work, family, kids, aging parents and grocery shopping, those days are long gone. But the importance of friendship remains the same. Who else can you call in a panic because you don’t have the right shoes to wear to a funeral? Who else will you cry to when one of your children tells you they hate you? Who else will send you condolences when your favorite celebrity from the ’80s dies?

As our kids mature, our relationships do too. We need less drama and more fortitude, and we have less time, and, perhaps, more angst.

Avoid the perfect moms: The one mom who has it all together: She dresses like a model, and her kids eat the healthiest meals and are athletic and academic superstars. She is the one dispensing advice in the schoolyard and has a line of subtle humble brags about her busy schedule and incredible gluten-free baking. Avoid her at all costs. She is the craziest one out there.

Be honest: It was much easier to talk about toddler milestones than it is to really express your fears about your kids as they get older. It’s not easy to admit when your teens are difficult to handle, or your tween seems to be heading off the rails. But if you share the difficult and dark days of parenting older kids with your friends, you will be rewarded when you learn that you are not alone.

Quality over quantity: Sure it’s great to know everyone in the schoolyard, but it’s not enough. Your closest friends in your 40s are probably the ones who are going to be by your side when your parents get sick, when your kids move out, and when you decide to grow out all your grey. These people matter—choose wisely.

Don’t be afraid to make new friends: And I don’t mean “friends” on Facebook. It’s never too late to meet your bosom buddy and be friends for life. You never know when a kindred spirit could walk in—it may be at the hockey rink, the coffee shop or an art class. Embrace it. Friends are the color and texture of life…and you need someone who will tell you when you need your roots done.

**My goal is to nurture the friendships I have and not be afraid to put myself out there to meet new ones.  I'm already making Little Man a list of potential "hang out" friends (we don't say play-date anymore) whose moms I'd like to get to know better.  We have all summer!